We Cater To Cowards

My wife HATES needles. You might say she is ALLERGIC to needles. We’re not sure exactly how or when this problem began, but it was firmly in place by the time we met nearly 30 years ago; such that the very thought of having to get her blood drawn moves her in the direction of a panic attack. You might be thinking “yeah, right…it can’t be THAT bad”, but her best friends know I am NOT exaggerating.

Which makes it all the more amazing that she ever agreed to a Vampire Facelift. Maybe it’s the “Vampire Facelift” books by Dr. Runnels that I keep leaving in strategic places for her to find, or my nonstop “chatter” about how we’re helping our Spa clients to look younger (I’m just sayin’).

Nevertheless, there she was, in THE CHAIR, her PRP (platelet rich plasma) glistening in two syringes—begging to be strategically injected…into…her…FACE! She was privately contemplating a way to gracefully back out of the whole thing, BUT her blood had already been drawn, the numbing cream had coated her face while the careful process of isolating her PRP had been tediously carried out, and it was TOO LATE to turn back now.

That was when my two assistants stepped up to the plate. Renee held her hand and gently encouraged her while Cortney talked her through the procedure. Later, when I debriefed my wife about the whole experience, she went on & on about “Cortney’s bedside manner”, and how (and I quote) “her tenderness and compassion” brought “a calming effect”. She even waxed poetic at one point, saying,“Cortney’s words were medicinal”. Well…alrighty then.

Up to this point in our 28 years of marriage, one of my proudest moments was when I successfully taught my wife how to drive a stick shift—without any bloodshed AND she still speaks to me! Now, (thanks to my assistants) I can add to that achievement the fact that I got to be the “hero” in giving my wife a Vampire Facelift for our Wedding Anniversary! (Hold your applause).

If she wants to give all the credit to my assistants, I guess I’m cool with that. The Moral of the story: If my needle-hating wife can handle a Vampire procedure, then ANYBODY can; and she is LOOKING GOOOOODD!! However, I did say that next time she’s getting some Valium before I touch her. Next stop…O-Shot! Wish me luck.